Month: August 2017

Aging and The Questing Life

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, habits, life changes, questioning, worry

Age-is-no-barrier.-Its-a-limitation-you-put-on-your-mind.-Jackie-Joyner-KerseeLife can be difficult as we age. When I was young I thought that those people whose children were grown up and doing well were worry free. Now that I am there I have realized that this is very far from the truth.

If you have children the concern for them never goes away.  It’s as if they will always be children in your eyes. Add to that as they grow older any problems that they have are usually more serious. Yous also add others to your worry list….grandchildren, spouses or significant others. The list of people you worry about grows exponentially.

Even if there are no children as we age health issues crop up. We would all like to just fade away in our sleep but life doesn’t always go that way.

It makes me realize how important it is to learn to live each day to the fullest. Wallowing in worry is wasted time. I can’t choose what life brings to me. I can only decide how I deal with it.

There are so many suggestions that people give you on how to do this. I do wonder if they are as successful as their suggestions imply. Each of us is a unique person and difficult as it may be we have to find our own path. It is important to be willing to try different things and be willing to make changes. We all know how hard this is. I have written before about getting rid of old habits and changing them for more fruitful ones.

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I continue each day to struggle with the choices I make. Prayer and meditation help when I do them instead of wasting time. The bottom line is that to change ourselves is the most difficult task we face. Some people never question the path they are on and don’t explore new ways. I guess I am one of those who keeps asking questions and seeking answers. It is my curse and my blessing.

I commiserate with those who are like me. It may not be the easy road but it is an enriching one. Don’t be afraid to travel the questioning path.

See the Whole Person!

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, connections, electronic devices, grief, medical

Today I had another medical test to understand why I am low in iron. I decided to explore on the web if anyone is connecting this abnormality to stress, grief and anxiety and discovered that indeed this is on the research radar.

As a nurse I have long been aware of the impact of grief and stress on the human body. Until now I don’t think that the medical field has paid enough attention to how our emotional life is reflected in our bodies. We have not long practiced holistic medicine. It is critical to understand that we are complex beings and that anything that impacts us is related to our health.

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I hope that the pendulum is swinging back and that the whole picture needs to be taken into consideration. This is not easy for those in the medical field since we have a specialty for every part of our body. We are blessed if we have a primary physician who puts all the pieces of the puzzle together.

Too often our spiritual life is not taken into consideration at all. How we consider our relationship to God or whatever spiritual practice is a key link in the chain. In a world where connection with the divine is shrinking we are likely to see more people with both physical and emotional/mental issues.

I have written a good bit about connections and feel strongly that having some connections with other human beings is critical to our well being. With so many of us loving dogs and understanding that they like being pack members should remind us that we are also communal beings. Throughout history we have related to other humans and lived in communal settings. Unfortunately, our current use of technology can lessen our personal connections. Technology helps us when we need to find connections outside of our local area but we also need face to face and touch.

I hope that we can marry the best of the old ways with the new and make a world where we don’t have to feel that we are alone. Also a world where the whole person is taken into consideration when examining our medical issues. Without these things we will see more of us suffering with depression, anxiety and stress related illness.

Connections Trump Control

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, connections, needs, worry

Yesterday a mild anxiety lifted its head due to some physical problems that arise from time to time. For so long I have not been bothered with IBS that I have forgotten how disturbing it can be. It rankles me to have to deal with something that I somehow feel is my fault. It is as if I have no control over myself. Interestingly enough control is a major issue with most of us. It is when we feel that things have spiraled out of control and we are vulnerable that anxiety and worry jump in.

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When we are in control we are comfortable and life is manageable. Most of us want some routine….something that lives up to our expectations. This makes us feel safe and secure. When things are out of control the chaos is fearful. I think that most of us spend our lives trying to keep control of ourselves and our surroundings. We like to be the one making the choices. We don’t want to need anyone else.

The truth is that we do need others. In my case I also need God. I need something that can’t be shaken. I understand that there are people who don’t need that but it is hard for me to understand. What is there to turn to when things are completely out of our control?  I cannot prove that God is there but conversely I don’t know if anyone can prove he is not. I just know that this belief is something I need and count on.

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We also need people who can love and support us. Those who understand our failings as we also understand theirs. These are the people we can count on. Not one of us is perfect. Let us just hope that we can have people around us to lift us up when we are down.

For some of us we are blessed that those people are near to us. For others they may be on-line or at a distance. There is someone out there who will care. Never doubt this…never stop looking for that connection.

Connections and Sadness

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, anxiety, grief, life changes, sadness

It is terribly hot and humid where I live and we are as housebound as someone snowed in. In the last week I have discovered how disconnected I feel from life.

Having lost my job/ministry was bad but connected with it was the loss of connections. The severing of relationships was the greatest blow.

ropes-separation

I suspect that I am feeling what many people my age (76) feel at this time in their life. Suddenly you are not working and for me that was connection with people. Until I can better understand my next focus I am adrift in a world of loneliness.

I am just stubborn enough to say I am not done yet! I have not yet established a pattern for my days and seem to have little to look forward to. If anyone wonders what older people feel when they are forced to confront not being needed I can tell you. It sucks!

I do know that it is up to me to find new direction and since I do believe that God directs my ways I know that some answers will come. However, now I am befuddled and sad. I am sure that this is no fun for my husband as well. He is a blessing of support and love.

sadness

I think at this particular moment sadness is more prominent than anxiety. I am not anxious about what to do but still dealing with the sadness of loss. Having run Grief Support Groups I understand about grief and know that it is a process. There is no set time or pattern. Every person travels through it differently.  I am finding my way and know that change will come. Nothing ever remains the same.

One of my favorite quotes comes from the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer  in the Service of Compline it says:

“Be present, O merciful God, and protect us through the hours of this night, so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances of this life may rest in your eternal changelessness;”

At this moment I am wearied of the changes.

When delivery is hope

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, delivery, hope

via Daily Prompt: Delivery

M husband spent two tours in Viet Nam. Unlike today’s communication there was no way to quickly hear about his world there. As he was a company commander with an infantry unit he was in constant danger. The letters that I received from him were the only thing to give me hope. I waited anxiously for the mail each day longing for a letter. The mail was erratic with letters coming in bunches. It didn’t take us long to discover that we had to number our letters to each other so that they made sense. He told me often that he lived for each mail delivery hoping to have news about me and his children. It was what connected him to a world that seemed a million miles away. I don’t think either one of us would have survived without the hope that those deliveries meant to us.

Change Hate to Love

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, divided world, hatred, life changes

I have worked within Christian churches for many years of my life both as volunteer and staff. One thing is clear to me. Most of us have not really heard and understood the words of Christ. After 76 years I have come to see the message as simple and straight forward. Love God and Your Neighbor. It seems to me that this is the message of many great religious leaders of every faith. Why is it that we have so much trouble following it?

I don’t know if the world is actually getting more violent and hateful or if it is just that we can’t get away from hearing it. If you are not frightened by what is happening then you clearly to do not understand.

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We are now putting people into categories so that we can know who to hate. Liberals, conservatives, gay and straight, white and black, transgender, whatever, there is a name for it and someone hates it. How do we begin to change things?

I am oneI have long belonged to a Prayer Group that says I am but one, but I am one. I may not be able to change everything but I can change something….. starting with myself.

This is part of my journey. Following those simple words of Christ I can learn to live differently. I can change. One day, one moment, one second. It continues to be hard. I backslid with my mediation this past week but tomorrow is another day. I know that anxiety will rear its ugly head. I just need to be as ready as I can.

 

 

Habits and Change

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, grief, habits, life changes, needs

old habitsSince the loss of my ministry as a Parish Nurse I have become aware of how much we humans need to be needed. When we are adrift on our own there is a longing for some connection….something to make us feel as if we belong.

I have had periods in my life where I have experienced this longing due to circumstances beyond my control. The time spent alone and separated from any meaningful relationship is painful. Spending time with ourselves requires soul searching. Sometimes some uncomfortable truths about ourselves are uncovered. I think this is even more difficult when this time alone is forced upon us and not of our choosing.

It is even harder for those of us who are extroverts. Loneliness brings on sadness. I was raised as a only child and do need some quiet and solitude but as the only thing there is it is difficult to bear.

This is why I am concentrating so hard on change. I do need other people and my previous role provided a chance to be present with others and share their joys and sorrows. It was a powerful and empowering experience. It gave my life meaning beyond my own personal needs.

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It is hard to take on doing the things we must do to change. Most of all it is hard to be consistent with them. Sometimes no progress can be seen. The thing is we have to continue long enough for what is change now will become a habit. Habits are hard to form and just as hard to break.

Anxiety also can be a habit. One that is high on the list of difficult changes. One that requires major effort to conquer. It may not be possible to banish it forever but just pushing it down to a minor irritation would be a blessing.

So the journey continues.

Compassion is Healing

by worrylessjourney, posted in Uncategorized

moment to moment

I think that one of the hardest things to learn about anxiety is the up and down of it. One moment everything is fine and then something is said and or learned and there you are again…dealing with anxiousness. Life is such as gift it is not right to waste it. I don’t know how someone lives in  a country like Israel not knowing when your life might be wiped out. I guess you must learn to live with it. There is no other choice.

It is so hard to keep up with the meditation, prayer and yoga that I am using to learn a new path. It is so easy to put it off and say I’ll do it tomorrow. The thing is that it helps when I follow through. How dumb is that to put it off?

Usually I stay away from the news as being too violent and depressing but now with the North Korea situation it is hard to shut it out. What sort of world are we leaving for our children and grandchildren?

compassion

We are all humans dwelling on this planet. Will we ever learn kindness and love toward one another?. Sometimes I wonder if anyone has ever read with a real listening heart the words of Christ. There is no part of his life that was not concentrated on getting us to practice compassion.

 

compasssion-2Compassion is a unique thing. I am not sure that we really understand it until we have lived long enough to have encountered hardship and tragedy in our own lives. With that experience we can really feel the pain of others. If we use this experience to reach out to others in their pain we are a healing voice in the world.

Will we be?

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, ethical, questioning, worry

I have been re-reading The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen. Although this book was published in 1972 it is totally relevant to us in the 21st century. Nouwen begins with a chapter on what he calls “the nuclear man.” The dilemma the man faces still holds true. The man doesn’t know who he is, what he is and if or what he will be.

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We are living in a world of confusion. A world where we have created so much technology that in many ways we have lost ourselves. We have discovered that technology doesn’t solve everything. Science doesn’t have all the answers and yet we want to think that it does. What is ahead for us? The bigger question is is there an ahead for us?

In many cases people who are part of various religious groups have been seen as hypocritical because they do not seem to be living out the tenets of their faith. Yet, like the rest of us, they are human and flawed. Others have perverted the tenets to create hatred and violence.

Science has created moral dilemmas that even Solomon couldn’t parse. Medicine can clone creatures, make decisions about life and death and use our smallest particles for good or ill. Who gets to decide?

The technology that we have created to make life better is polluting our world. Religion instead of pulling us together has divided us further. We have overpopulated to the point that we will soon extinguish ourselves. There is so much violence played out on media that we are desensitized to it.  No one takes responsibility for their actions and blame is prevalent. I wonder what God thinks of all this. We certainly have come far from the beautiful garden.

All of this certainly ties in with the rise in stress, anxiety and depression. If we are not worried then we don’t understand the situation. What to do?

I so wish I had the answers but I must leave that to God. The God who loves us and this earth that he/she created, If we are meant to self-destruct then so be it. All I know is that we are all loved.

 

What is Next?

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, grief, job loss, life changes, questioning

let go 2

Today has not been a good day for me. The sky is sunny. the weather hot but I am sad. I am all too aware that it has to do with my job loss. The problem is that it is not just a loss of a job but that of a ministry. My position as Parish Nurse was everything I yearned for wrapped up in a beautiful package. It was my joy.

So now, I struggle not only with grief for the loss but with questions about what now. I find myself working to maintain a much too big garden and asking “Is this all?” After 20 years my connection with so many beloved people has been severed. My perception of who I am is disrupted. Life is a huge question mark.

 

I know that sometimes we just need to do nothing. I need to continue with my journey to change myself since that is the only thing I have control over. I will wait no matter how hard that is and hope for a door to open.