Category: habits

Cause and Effect

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, balance, habits, hope, life changes

CauseEffect5Today I have been thinking about cause and effect. No matter what we do, or don’t do for that matter, there is always a result. It cannot be avoided. Just how much control do we have over the result of our actions? Sometimes I think we don’t have any and at other times it seems that I am definitely responsible for the outcome.

If we have anything to do with the outcome then we need to be careful. What I choose may have a result that affects someone else. Do I think about that when I make choices? Do I have a positive or negative attitude? It seems to me that having a positive attitude can change the outcome.

There is a difference between positive and negative attitudes. All of us have been with people who are always negative. For them, nothing is ever good. This can really wear on me and I don’t like being around them. Their negativity is just depressing. How we approach things is a decision that we can choose. I can get up in the morning and decide that it is going to be a good day and usually it works. Of course there are times when the day goes downhill anyway but not always.

rule your mindWe do have some control over our own mind. For those of us who have anxiety sometimes we feel truly out of control. It is hard to think yourself into a better place. Depending on the circumstances it may not be possible but that is what I am working on. Developing skills for handling bad feelings is a matter of training. It is just so hard to be disciplined.

Taking control of your own mind is a challenge but it is possible to do. It just takes consistent work.

Forgiveness takes work

by worrylessjourney, posted in balance, connections, forgiveness, habits, life changes

My husband and I have been watching the BBC series “Father Brown.” I have been struck with the many scenes about confession and forgiveness. Father Brown makes completely clear that there is no forgiveness if there is not true regret and a desire to change. That is the view for the person who needs forgiveness. There is also the side of the injured. What is forgiveness from that point of view?

trustForgiveness can be a difficult thing. If someone has hurt us badly we can have so many different emotions…anger, pain, hurt, disappointment, betrayal and others. Our emotions may swing from one feeling to another. Forgiveness may be the last thing we think about. Maybe we don’t even want to forgive for to do that we would have to let it all go.

The important thing to remember about forgiveness is that it is not just for the person who hurt us but for us as well. All the emotions  that we are feeling heighten our body in a flight or fight mode. We secrete extra adrenaline causing our body to prepare for danger. When we think about the hurt we drag up those emotions again and again. You can feel the upheaval. If we continue to hang on to the hurt and drag it around with us it damages our well being. Somehow we have to find a way to let it go.

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Letting it go may take time and conscious effort. Some of the hurts I have encountered in my life have hung on for quite a while. We have to consciously decide to turn it loose…. and do it again and again until those feelings subside. When we can remember the hurt without the emotions attached then we have truly let it go. There may always be a small residue like ashes left after burning paper but the real pain has subsided.

Forgiveness takes work.

Our Plans???

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, complacency, habits, life changes, worry

It is a funny thing that when life seem to be going along well something will come and smack you in the face. Life is never smooth. The problem is that we can get lulled by lack of problems and complacent about how things are going. Just when you are starting to feel secure…..WHAM and there you are caught again.

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Last week and this week seemed to be going so well and then plans that we had made were just wiped out. Somehow it always happens. It is even harder to deal with when I have to put plans on hold to be with my youngest daughter. That causes my heart to ache.

I know that most of the time it has to do with expectations that are either too high or altogether wrong. It does explain why I never seem to stop worrying.

Some how it will all work out but I’m having trouble with disappointment. I know that I need to put it into God’s hands but I am so good at picking it back up, For me turning things over to God is like hauling a big garbage bag out to the trash and then letting the truck go by without putting the bag in it. I follow the truck, drag the bag, follow the truck, drag the bag.

I don’t know why things are so hard to turn loose. I do wonder if it is arrogance and the inability to turn anything over to anyone else because I think I can handle it better. Wow! Knowing ourselves is really complicated and why I am on this journey toward better understanding. I hope I survive the journey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aging and The Questing Life

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, habits, life changes, questioning, worry

Age-is-no-barrier.-Its-a-limitation-you-put-on-your-mind.-Jackie-Joyner-KerseeLife can be difficult as we age. When I was young I thought that those people whose children were grown up and doing well were worry free. Now that I am there I have realized that this is very far from the truth.

If you have children the concern for them never goes away.  It’s as if they will always be children in your eyes. Add to that as they grow older any problems that they have are usually more serious. Yous also add others to your worry list….grandchildren, spouses or significant others. The list of people you worry about grows exponentially.

Even if there are no children as we age health issues crop up. We would all like to just fade away in our sleep but life doesn’t always go that way.

It makes me realize how important it is to learn to live each day to the fullest. Wallowing in worry is wasted time. I can’t choose what life brings to me. I can only decide how I deal with it.

There are so many suggestions that people give you on how to do this. I do wonder if they are as successful as their suggestions imply. Each of us is a unique person and difficult as it may be we have to find our own path. It is important to be willing to try different things and be willing to make changes. We all know how hard this is. I have written before about getting rid of old habits and changing them for more fruitful ones.

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I continue each day to struggle with the choices I make. Prayer and meditation help when I do them instead of wasting time. The bottom line is that to change ourselves is the most difficult task we face. Some people never question the path they are on and don’t explore new ways. I guess I am one of those who keeps asking questions and seeking answers. It is my curse and my blessing.

I commiserate with those who are like me. It may not be the easy road but it is an enriching one. Don’t be afraid to travel the questioning path.

Habits and Change

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, grief, habits, life changes, needs

old habitsSince the loss of my ministry as a Parish Nurse I have become aware of how much we humans need to be needed. When we are adrift on our own there is a longing for some connection….something to make us feel as if we belong.

I have had periods in my life where I have experienced this longing due to circumstances beyond my control. The time spent alone and separated from any meaningful relationship is painful. Spending time with ourselves requires soul searching. Sometimes some uncomfortable truths about ourselves are uncovered. I think this is even more difficult when this time alone is forced upon us and not of our choosing.

It is even harder for those of us who are extroverts. Loneliness brings on sadness. I was raised as a only child and do need some quiet and solitude but as the only thing there is it is difficult to bear.

This is why I am concentrating so hard on change. I do need other people and my previous role provided a chance to be present with others and share their joys and sorrows. It was a powerful and empowering experience. It gave my life meaning beyond my own personal needs.

designing-for-habit-formation-17-638

It is hard to take on doing the things we must do to change. Most of all it is hard to be consistent with them. Sometimes no progress can be seen. The thing is we have to continue long enough for what is change now will become a habit. Habits are hard to form and just as hard to break.

Anxiety also can be a habit. One that is high on the list of difficult changes. One that requires major effort to conquer. It may not be possible to banish it forever but just pushing it down to a minor irritation would be a blessing.

So the journey continues.