Today things are better. It is easy for them to be better as several days ago was really awful. My IBSD was so bad that I had a panic attack which I haven’t done for years. I am sure that all the changes in my life brought this on and my comping skills were at the bottom. I did take things into my own hands and go to the doctor and now things are leveling off. God willing, I will continue to improve.
It is so nice have have this space to share something that I can’t share with many. It has been a safe place for me for quite a while. Thank you to all of you who have been so supporting and kind. It is a blessing to be able to share here.
I have been off blogging for almost a week. Last week all my belongings were packed and I moved to stay with my family until my apartment is ready. For some reason this move was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I dropped into panic mode and suffered with IBSD. It took medicine and much coping to bring myself back. I am better but I have realized just how much has happened in the last year and 1/2.
I can’t say enough about how I long to be done with all of this. Will it be over soon????
Here I go again. Tomorrow the packers come and on Friday the movers to pack the pod. It will then go into storage until I get a moving date for the new apartment. I am so tired of this but know this is the last move (God willing). It will be nice to have a place that is my own. I can’t wait. There is something about this last move that really rattled me but now that I have started any packing I have to do it is better.
So many people have been touched by covid and lives have been changed. Mine is just one of them. I would have had to do this anyway covid has just made it harder and lonelier. I will so enjoy getting to meet people and have things to do.
My only concern is my two bassets who are both very anxious. The male (Crash) is going to have to have some meds as he has always had severe anxiety. We don’t know what happened to him before we got him but it did damage him and losing my husband and all the change has exacerbated his problems. Hopefully the vet will help me get him more settled. He is such a sweet boy as is our female (Tillie).
Lately I have been watching streaming programs from Britbox. Many of them deal with live in the 50’s and 60’s. It has brought back so many memories.
I grew up in the time of poodle skirts, penny loafers, saddle oxfords, sweater sets, blue jeans lined with flannel and rolled up to reveal the lining, long pencil skirts and so many other things.
Films were strictly censored….there was little violence or nudity…no foul language. Life was really different. It was kinder in some ways and not in others. Anyone getting pregnant in high school had to leave and go to a different school. They were considered beyond the pale.
We wore “bobby socks” and had sock hops. Socks were worn to protect the gym floor. Proms were held in the school gymnasium and were highly decorated by the students. A king and queen were crowned. Punch was often spiked by boys wanting to show that they could.
During my college years was the era of the folk singers. The Kingston Trio, The Limlighters, Peter, Paul and Mary, The Mamas and the Papas, Joan Baez. I loved that music. Songs like Tom Dooley, Blowin in the Wind, and all the ones that came throughout the sixties. had learned folk song early in my life and absolutely loved those songs. We went to concerts in gymnasiums and sat on the floor.
In 1962 I graduated college and got married. This was the time of mini skirts, knee boots and psychedelic colors. A real change from the fifties. I saw people become “flower children” and live in communes. Birth control pills gave women the freedom to choose to have sex if they wanted and free love was the thing of the day. Women felt freed and the Women’s Liberation Era began.
Things have changed a lot since then. Some good some bad. People in general were kinder and more mannerly but women had more set roles and received less respect in the man’s world. Some people from my era have moved with the times and some not. It is a different world and interesting to live in. I would love to see the future ahead but know that I won’t. I am in the waning years but I will enjoy them fully.
I am preparing to move again. Change addresses, move my things, notify everyone necessary. I can’t believe I am having to do this again. I feel as if I am living in an alternate universe. When I think back over the last year and 1/2 it seems so unreal.
I have often thought about how quickly things can change. The song “What a difference a day makes” always seems to point to the swiftness with which life can alter. The song is talking about a change for the better but it can go either way.
This time with my daughter has been wonderful. It has been so nice to have someone with me. Being alone so much has been difficult.
I miss my life. I’ll bet most of us do. There have been so many changes. Change is fine but so many at once is overwhelming. Days of trying to adjust have left me exhausted. Now there is more change to come. Two moves almost back to back. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever end. The poor dogs have been dragged from one place to another. I know they are so confused. The female will not let me out of her sight. She is about 11 and I think she is almost deaf. I guess she can’t hear me moving around and has to have me in sight.
In our original home
I am so ready for this journey for this to be settled. It has been so stressful. The final move will take me a place where there are lots of things going on and people to do things with. However, I will have my own apartment and my own space to be in. The best of both worlds.
Today my daughter who lives away will be here to visit. I am really looking forward to it since I have not seen her since last fall. It has been so hard not seeing all of my family since my husband’s death. The covid situation has made it hard on so many families. Funerals have not been able to do the normal things following a death. It will be nice to be able to have a proper funeral.
The covid problem seems to be easing for us here but there are places where people are facing horrible devastation from it. We need to keep them in our prayers and help where we can.
There’s usually no rhyme or reason when insomnia happens, except it’s at the most inconvenient times. I had a ton of work the next day and needed a good night’s sleep. Even with the best of intentions, I didn’t hit the hay until Midnight. What seemed like a couple minutes later, my eyes popped open […]
Today I discovered that my apartment will not be ready until the middle of June. Just another setback. Since I have to move from here by May 30th I will have to move in with my daughter and her family. Everything will have to be packed and stored until I can get in. Just another aggravation and more time to wait.
Waiting is not one of my strong suits. I am so anxious to have this journey completed and I pray that it will be an end to the moving. It will be so nice to be somewhere that I can meet people and have things to do. This year+ has certainly been a trial and one I hope will not come again.
Finding a new path for all of us after this covid crisis has certainly tested everyone. God willing we will be able to gradually move forward.
For some reason it has been very hard for me to write. It is as if my brain has gone on vacation. In some ways it worries me. Has all this stuff over the last year changed my ability to think? It is a scary thought. One that is particularly frightening one for me. I have worked with families who are suffering through family members with dementia and their pain is great. I hope as things settle I will feel more myself.
I hope that it will only be a few weeks before I more to my next destination. It will be so wonderful to feel that I can plant my feet and settle into a home. The apartment is being worked on at this time and I can move as soon as the work is done.
I have been trying to get some things cleaned up and sorted for the move. That means sorting my husband’s things and deciding what to let go and what to keep. It is going well with some moments of sadness.
Hopefully I will get back to my regular writing schedule in the near future and actually have something interesting to say.
