Connections matter

Poste this on my other site but realized I wanted to share here.

Hear God in Other Voices

I have long been a believer in the “butterfly effect.” The idea that somehow we are all connected. I see this in so many ways. There is a wonderful children’s book called “The Invisible String” that tells us that love is one of the ways we are connected and it is the “invisible string” that never goes away even with death.

Sometimes we have a strong feeling of connection to someone we have never physically met. I feel that way about some people I connect with on this blog. I hear their voice through their words. I have a sense of who they are and feel connected. Because I don’t know them otherwise I could be wrong but there is still something there. Kindness and compassion are clearly felt.

We are connected to the people we see in our everyday lives. It could be seeing the same grocery clerk every…

View original post 176 more words

The wave

I love C.S. Lewis. His books have inspired me for many years. Today I came across this quote from his book “A Grief Observed.”

I don’t think I had thought about grief in this way but it is so true. I have been washed in fear. Not constantly but over and over. Just when I think it has disappeared it comes again and overwhelms me.

It makes me wonder why fear? What am I afraid of? There is no clear answer. Some things can be seen such as being alone but others are not so obvious. Most of the obvious ones have been dealt with…finances, paperwork, moving, but still the wave comes.

Each time I can feel it tugging at me…wanting to pull me under but then it subsides. Each time it is possible that the pull is less strong but not enough to really feel.

Time will pass. The wave will someday bring memories of love and joy and the fear will recede. I only pray that it continues to lessen with fear and increase with love.

Is proof proof?

This is just so true for today’s world. People are actually unable to step outside of their beliefs. No conversation about a different idea with change them. They will always find a reason to step back into their original position.

Today something reminded me of this quote from “The Mysterious Benedict Society” originally a book now a series on Disney Plus. “Proof is useless unless it’s proof of something people already want to believe.?

I think this is partly why those who chose not to be vaccinated are so set in their position. My oldest daughter works in a hospital in Georgia. When I spoke with her recently the hospital had 95 patients in with covid. Of that number 2 were vaccinated. I wish more cities would cite those statistics. However, it is possible that nothing will change many opinions.

Everyone is to blame

What is this new world that we are living in? So many people are sick and it is hard to not feel as if it is their fault since so many of them were not vaccinated. It is a terrible world when people are so frightened by words spoken by politicians that they can’t care for their own health and that of others.

How did we get there? How can we make the changes necessary to create another environment. It is so sad. This virus could have had a better and faster outcome if paranoia had not set in. When people are scared anything can happen.

Who is to blame for all of this. To sort of quote the words of Pope Francis ” When no one is to blame then everyone is to blame.”

Moving ahead

What is it like to live in a retirement community? I am not sure that I can entirely answer that yet. I haven’t been here long enough. First impressions: there are good things. The food is good…there are three restaurants and many choices, someone cleans my apartment once a week, there are people to talk to when covid doesn’t interfere. My apartment is small but nice. Divesting myself of many things has been freeing.

Other thoughts: It is an adjustment as you see everyone else with grey hair (although this has become quite popular) and understand that living in a place where all of us are aging means that people will die.

Everything we do in life requires change. This is just another in many that make up my journey in life. There are still adventures to have, people to love and new things to experience and I am begging to look forward to that. There has been a real change in my perspective in the last few weeks.

Life goes forward. The question is are we willing to go with it or just rest in the past? I choose to move ahead.

Keeping on

Everyday is blending into the next. With the rise in covid variant it seems we are back to staying in. It becomes quite depressing. However, there is nothing to do but continue on. There will be some point at which the danger will be outweighed by our need to be with others.

We are human and as such we have a long history of being “tribal.” We need the connection with people. Most of us can only be solitary for so long. Admittedly some extreme introverts can deal with it for quite a while but the rest of us need communion with others.

The incidence of depression and anxiety has risen drastically since this all started. There are discussions of a new, even more virulent covid coming next. We will need to find new ways to live. We may have to limit ourselves to a closed circle of friends. There will still be risk but life has always had risk. We just have to adapt and keep on.

Don’t mess with mother nature

This is the view from my apartment. It is wonderful to look out and see the rolling hills. I have lots of sun and being a SAD person it is important to me. I have morning sun and nice shade in the afternoon to sit out on the balcony. This is really wonderful. I will be spending time outside once I get the balcony organized.

Austin is now at Level V for the new covid and so we are having to be especially cautious. There have been people getting the variant. Most of them are not seriously ill but who wants that. I am not sure we will ever be free of this virus or some other one that shows up.

Mother nature is not happy with us. We have raped the earth and now it is fighting back as it has done several times in the past. If only all those naysayers would begin to realize that this is a crisis that could do away with the human race.

At my age I am sure that I will not be around to see the end result (which I hope good) but I am concerned for the grandchildren and now great grandchildren. They deserve a better world environment.

Living goes on

I have been absent for so long I feel lost. I am catching up on posts and hopefully beginning to connect again. Life has been “interesting.”

I had dinner about 2 weeks ago with someone who although vaccinated came down with the new variant. That put me into isolation. I am supposed to be out today but there seems to be conflicting opinions so ???

In spite of being confined this has been a time for reflection. I admit I have binged on TV but watched some really uplifting and helpful things. I seem to gravitate to the British/New Zealand/ Australian things. They seem to expect some intelligence of the viewer.

I am settling in and will eventually find a new lifestyle here. There are so many opportunities for fun and learning. There is a connection to the University of Texas with many chances to keep mind ad body busy.

I have to overcome the experience of living with only people who are aging like me. In some ways it reminds me of the British comedy “Waiting for God.” I have decided to think of this as a kind of college experience where I also lived with others in my age group. I will be also finding opportunities to volunteer in the “outside world.” (covid allowing)

So….life goes on. Living goes on. God is near.

More loss

Today amidst all else that has been happening I discovered that I am missing some of my favorite necklaces. I have torn the apartment apart but no luck. Now none of these things were valuable but just important to me. I literally have no necklaces that I like to wear. There is a box full of the rest of my costume stuff but none of it is anything I care for or would choose to wear. Much of it is broken.

Such a simple loss but one that hurts terribly. I just seems to add to all the other loses I am experiencing. I know that with God’s help this will all get better but today I just don’t see how.

I’ll just hope that is spite of my search the things will show up some how.

A tough time

It has been so long since I have written that I feel lost. I think the straw that broke the camels back fell on me. I hate to say it but I don’t remember but one other time in my life when I felt so miserable. My IBSD is out of control even though I have tried one round of medicine. I have asked for a second round. I am praying that I will not have to go through all the gastro tests to get this under control.

For those who read my blogs you know that this IBSD triggers my anxiety and panic attacks. I think that all of this is related to all that has happened but also with having a new doctor who doesn’t treat the same and doesn’t understand the meds that I need. He doesn’t want to proscribe the way that I am used to and then when I need meds he doesn’t agree with what I am asking him. He did get a letter from my previous doctor but I don’t know that it has helped.

For most of my life I have managed to stay off any meds whenever I can and don’t ask for them unless necessary. I reduce them as soon as possible but I don’t think he believes that. I will be searching for someone who will understand and hope to find one soon.

In the meantime I have such an assortment of meds that it is really crazy. I won’t go into the whole list but I have way too much of things that only help slightly and not enough of the ones I need.

Sorry for the hard post but I am frustrated and ill and need prayers and support. I want to get back to myself.