Time
Drifts
Floats
Suspended
Irrelevant
Still
Focused
Nothing
Unaware
Lost
Faded
Grey
When
When
gone
When?
Author: worrylessjourney
Coming back
It has been so long since I have posted that I feel lost. For some reason after my husband’s death I just stopped for a while. It is time to be back. First let me thank everyone for your kind messages of sympathy. They were much appreciated and helped me at a time when I needed help.
Now I hope to get back to my normal writing. I have thought about so many things during this hiatus and will be sharing thoughts and ideas. Life is never boring and always has something to teach us if we are willing to learn. Wisdom does come with age if we choose to learn as we go. I have much to learn still and am still curious about life and the world around me. I hope I never stop learning until I leave this earth.
Glad to be back. Peace, Suzanne
Powerless and more
So much has happened in the last few weeks that I have been unable to compose any posts. My mind has been unable to settle enough. After the week of absorbing my daughter’s breast cancer diagnosis Austin was hit by a winter storm that not only shut down power but decimated the city’s ability to provide water. My daughter’s home had power the whole time but still has no water. We are tired, thirsty and smelly. On Wednesday we moved from our apartment that had no power and only moments after getting my husband settled he died from what we believe was a heart attack. We are overwhelmed. This morning I read this poem in Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s “Prayers from Prison” and found great solace from the words of the last two verses of the poem “Joy and Sorrow.” I place them here for your reflection. I know I will read them often.
“What then is Joy? What then is Sorrow?
Time alone can decide between them,
when the immediate poignant happening
lengthens out to continuous wearisome suffering;
when the labored creeping moments of daylight
slowly uncover the fullness of our disaster
Sorrow’s unmistakable features. Then do most of our kind
sated, if only by the monotony
of unrelieved unhappiness,
turn away from the drama, disillusioned,
uncompassionate.
o ye mothers, and loved ones-then, ah, then
comes your hour, the hour for true devotion.
Then your hour comes, ye friends and brothers!
Loyal hearts can change the face of Sorrow,
softly encircle it with love’s most gentle unearthly radiance.”
Is there no chance?
Today there has apparently been a lot of conversation about the Jeep commercial on the ball game last night. This whole thing is such a mystery to me. People are taking sides and giving their opinions of what was meant and why it was done. What about just considering what was said and how the words themselves have make people think. The fact that there has been so much discussion certainly lets us know that it struck a chord whether good or bad.
Instead of just fussing about each side what would happen if those talking could think about why this brought out so many opinions and thoughts? What if real discussion could take place and questions could be asked about what could be done to change the reality of so many splits today and why everyone has taken a “my way or the highway” position. When I was in my 20’s and 30’s people were allowed to take a different position without is causing anger and vituperation. Is there any going back? Is there any way to change? I hope to God there is.
Panicky days
The last two days have tested my ability to cope and pushed me as hard as I can be pushed. I have had to rely on just asking God to be in charge as I was in overload. This request put me in the right place with reliance on God changing my focus completely.
Yesterday my daughter told me that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Fortunately she does not have the aggressive version so the doctors feel there is reason to expect a good outcome.
Today the physical therapists came to see my husband and wrap his swollen legs. They told me after seeing him that one leg was infected, he had a fever, very low blood pressure and probably needed to see the doctor. Shortly after that the primary nurse called and said she was coming to check. It turns out his leg is fine, he has no fever and there is no issue. Problem solved. I am so glad that she determined all of that and cleared everything up.
For me getting the fact helps me to get things into focus. It is so easy to have events shake us up and send us into a tailspin. It is best to let yourself feel those moments but let them sink in and wait for the panic to subside and reality to push itself forward. The unknown is the most frightening. If we can hold off until there is time to absorb and get settled then being able to cope can arise and put your mind into a much better place.
Keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we work our way through all of this.
Peace, Suzanne
Ruminating
It is so frustrating to get an email today saying that my doctor at home has vaccine that I can get. Here I am stuck where I can’t do anything. There is still no way available to get the shots. Maybe someday.
It is so depressing and really hard to take. We stay home but so do many others so I guess I need to toughen up. Keep all of those who are in the same boat with us….in the vulnerable category and can do nothing in your thoughts and prayers.
Love just grows
“I have found the paradox. That if you love until it hurts there can be no more hurt. Only more love.” Mother Theresa
To love is a risk. We open ourselves to being hurt. It is scary. Most or us have been hurt at some time and we remember the experience. However, the alternative is to not take the chance and miss out on some of the most wonderful thing in our lives. The truth is that love and loss are part of life. None of us lives forever. Loss is inevitable whether from a death or someone leaving us. Relationships are tricky things and hurts are part of how we learn. The more love we give away the more love we have. Love doesn’t decrease but grows the more we share it.
Don’t be afraid to take a chance. Sharing love is so important that it can’t afford to be missed.
Experience
Experience is a brutal teacher but you learn. My God do you learn. C.S. Lewis
Lewis is so right. The things that teach us the most are usually uncomfortable and sometimes outright painful. We learn so much from those lessons. The things that I regret the most and remember the most have been painful lessons. They changed me. Usually for the better.
Frequently those experiences had to do with hurting other people. The result hurt me. Maybe even more than the person involved. The trick is to not make the same mistake again. The important thing is that we learn from it. It is sad when we don’t learn.
What Is Christian Nationalism? — Mitch Teemley
This is a very interesting post
Originally posted on Enough Light: We all need to consider the phenomenon and rise of Christian nationalism. If you have not heard this term, please note that it is NOT simple patriotism, although some Christian nationalists may call themselves patriots. There is nothing wrong with a Christian having a proper pride of country, that is…
What Is Christian Nationalism? — Mitch Teemley
A good change
Today there was a quote on the blog “idealideas” on Word Press that really caused me to think. “A good change is a short term inconvenience for a long term solution.”
It made me see that my husband and I have done the right thing. We are aiming for the long term solution. Right now we are in the short term inconvenience. Hopefully it will not last too long but after this we will hopefully be where we can stay permanently. That will be a wonderful thing. Sometimes it feels like this is stressful and unreasonable but it really is not. It is just that with covid and trying sell a house it seems like it will go on forever.
Sometimes life can be really hard to take and difficult to understand but it is how we deal with it that matters. Keeping your resolve is not easy but worth it in the long run. I know that this time will pass but at times that is hard to believe. We just have to keep on.
