Author: worrylessjourney

When delivery is hope

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, delivery, hope

via Daily Prompt: Delivery

M husband spent two tours in Viet Nam. Unlike today’s communication there was no way to quickly hear about his world there. As he was a company commander with an infantry unit he was in constant danger. The letters that I received from him were the only thing to give me hope. I waited anxiously for the mail each day longing for a letter. The mail was erratic with letters coming in bunches. It didn’t take us long to discover that we had to number our letters to each other so that they made sense. He told me often that he lived for each mail delivery hoping to have news about me and his children. It was what connected him to a world that seemed a million miles away. I don’t think either one of us would have survived without the hope that those deliveries meant to us.

Change Hate to Love

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, divided world, hatred, life changes

I have worked within Christian churches for many years of my life both as volunteer and staff. One thing is clear to me. Most of us have not really heard and understood the words of Christ. After 76 years I have come to see the message as simple and straight forward. Love God and Your Neighbor. It seems to me that this is the message of many great religious leaders of every faith. Why is it that we have so much trouble following it?

I don’t know if the world is actually getting more violent and hateful or if it is just that we can’t get away from hearing it. If you are not frightened by what is happening then you clearly to do not understand.

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We are now putting people into categories so that we can know who to hate. Liberals, conservatives, gay and straight, white and black, transgender, whatever, there is a name for it and someone hates it. How do we begin to change things?

I am oneI have long belonged to a Prayer Group that says I am but one, but I am one. I may not be able to change everything but I can change something….. starting with myself.

This is part of my journey. Following those simple words of Christ I can learn to live differently. I can change. One day, one moment, one second. It continues to be hard. I backslid with my mediation this past week but tomorrow is another day. I know that anxiety will rear its ugly head. I just need to be as ready as I can.

 

 

Habits and Change

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, grief, habits, life changes, needs

old habitsSince the loss of my ministry as a Parish Nurse I have become aware of how much we humans need to be needed. When we are adrift on our own there is a longing for some connection….something to make us feel as if we belong.

I have had periods in my life where I have experienced this longing due to circumstances beyond my control. The time spent alone and separated from any meaningful relationship is painful. Spending time with ourselves requires soul searching. Sometimes some uncomfortable truths about ourselves are uncovered. I think this is even more difficult when this time alone is forced upon us and not of our choosing.

It is even harder for those of us who are extroverts. Loneliness brings on sadness. I was raised as a only child and do need some quiet and solitude but as the only thing there is it is difficult to bear.

This is why I am concentrating so hard on change. I do need other people and my previous role provided a chance to be present with others and share their joys and sorrows. It was a powerful and empowering experience. It gave my life meaning beyond my own personal needs.

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It is hard to take on doing the things we must do to change. Most of all it is hard to be consistent with them. Sometimes no progress can be seen. The thing is we have to continue long enough for what is change now will become a habit. Habits are hard to form and just as hard to break.

Anxiety also can be a habit. One that is high on the list of difficult changes. One that requires major effort to conquer. It may not be possible to banish it forever but just pushing it down to a minor irritation would be a blessing.

So the journey continues.

Compassion is Healing

by worrylessjourney, posted in Uncategorized

moment to moment

I think that one of the hardest things to learn about anxiety is the up and down of it. One moment everything is fine and then something is said and or learned and there you are again…dealing with anxiousness. Life is such as gift it is not right to waste it. I don’t know how someone lives in  a country like Israel not knowing when your life might be wiped out. I guess you must learn to live with it. There is no other choice.

It is so hard to keep up with the meditation, prayer and yoga that I am using to learn a new path. It is so easy to put it off and say I’ll do it tomorrow. The thing is that it helps when I follow through. How dumb is that to put it off?

Usually I stay away from the news as being too violent and depressing but now with the North Korea situation it is hard to shut it out. What sort of world are we leaving for our children and grandchildren?

compassion

We are all humans dwelling on this planet. Will we ever learn kindness and love toward one another?. Sometimes I wonder if anyone has ever read with a real listening heart the words of Christ. There is no part of his life that was not concentrated on getting us to practice compassion.

 

compasssion-2Compassion is a unique thing. I am not sure that we really understand it until we have lived long enough to have encountered hardship and tragedy in our own lives. With that experience we can really feel the pain of others. If we use this experience to reach out to others in their pain we are a healing voice in the world.

Will we be?

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, ethical, questioning, worry

I have been re-reading The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen. Although this book was published in 1972 it is totally relevant to us in the 21st century. Nouwen begins with a chapter on what he calls “the nuclear man.” The dilemma the man faces still holds true. The man doesn’t know who he is, what he is and if or what he will be.

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We are living in a world of confusion. A world where we have created so much technology that in many ways we have lost ourselves. We have discovered that technology doesn’t solve everything. Science doesn’t have all the answers and yet we want to think that it does. What is ahead for us? The bigger question is is there an ahead for us?

In many cases people who are part of various religious groups have been seen as hypocritical because they do not seem to be living out the tenets of their faith. Yet, like the rest of us, they are human and flawed. Others have perverted the tenets to create hatred and violence.

Science has created moral dilemmas that even Solomon couldn’t parse. Medicine can clone creatures, make decisions about life and death and use our smallest particles for good or ill. Who gets to decide?

The technology that we have created to make life better is polluting our world. Religion instead of pulling us together has divided us further. We have overpopulated to the point that we will soon extinguish ourselves. There is so much violence played out on media that we are desensitized to it.  No one takes responsibility for their actions and blame is prevalent. I wonder what God thinks of all this. We certainly have come far from the beautiful garden.

All of this certainly ties in with the rise in stress, anxiety and depression. If we are not worried then we don’t understand the situation. What to do?

I so wish I had the answers but I must leave that to God. The God who loves us and this earth that he/she created, If we are meant to self-destruct then so be it. All I know is that we are all loved.

 

What is Next?

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, grief, job loss, life changes, questioning

let go 2

Today has not been a good day for me. The sky is sunny. the weather hot but I am sad. I am all too aware that it has to do with my job loss. The problem is that it is not just a loss of a job but that of a ministry. My position as Parish Nurse was everything I yearned for wrapped up in a beautiful package. It was my joy.

So now, I struggle not only with grief for the loss but with questions about what now. I find myself working to maintain a much too big garden and asking “Is this all?” After 20 years my connection with so many beloved people has been severed. My perception of who I am is disrupted. Life is a huge question mark.

 

I know that sometimes we just need to do nothing. I need to continue with my journey to change myself since that is the only thing I have control over. I will wait no matter how hard that is and hope for a door to open.

Are You Being Understood?

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, electronic devices, misunderstanding, understanding

It is so difficult for those who have no issue with anxiety or depression to understand it. It is so foreign to how they function. I have heard so many people say that they can’t understand how anyone can commit suicide. Fortunately, that has not been part of my journey but when in the black hole of anxiety I can understand. It would be impossible to go on if you thought that the rest of your life would be lived in despair. Nothingness would be welcome. That is what those of us need to help others understand. It just might give hope to someone in the abyss.

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The way our society functions today I can see more and more people having problems. The stress that we are under is devastating. There is so much noise in our lives. A while back I read a book called The Overworked American. The author pointed out that we created so many devices to free us to take time for relaxation and renewal.  Unfortunately, the devices have created more stress and less free time. It used to be that when you went to the beach you were free to enjoy the water and the sand and the beauty of the day. Now most people spend more time on their electronic devices than they do taking advantage of the beauty around them.

I have worked with some young people and have found that they primarily communicate by text or email. Speaking face to face has become rare. I believe that we are communal beings and that we need connections to make out world complete. Our souls are not fed alone or electronically. To see the face of a loved one light up to meet us is joy. People who love us reflect our goodness to us. They help us to feel good about ourselves.

understanding

To  watch the face of others when we talk tells us so much more than the written word. It is so easy to have something misunderstood when we are not present to each other. This may be one of the biggest losses that our new forms of communication have given us.

 

 

Obviously, I like to use the written word and love our new forms of reaching out to others. We just need to be careful that it doesn’t replace the experience of talking face to face.

Would Silence Help?

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, danger, divided world, ethical, evil, hatred, life changes, Pogo, questioning, worry

Today I was talking with my daughter and granddaughter, They reminded me that the dangers are not just from the outside but from the inside as well.

pogo Not only is the world a dangerous place but also our own country. There is so much anger….so much hatred. Again there is no middle ground. The sad part is that this is not just political but can also apply to some religious groups There are extremists on both sides. Recently Hulu has aired the program The Handmaiden. I read the book when it first came out and was struck by the concept it suggested. I thought how realistic the idea is.

Muslims are not the only ones who can have extremists. Christians are not free of guilt. We have had crusades against Muslim countries. We perpetrated evil against our own people during the inquisition in Europe.

There are extremist groups in our country today who believe that they hold all that answers and anyone else is wrong.

We need the moderates back. We need those who can hold a discussion and see the ideas of the other person and allow them to hold their own views.

In exploring the concept of anxiety itself I have found that spending time in silence allows thoughts to arise. These thoughts can be good, bad, or neutral. Silence is needed in order to think. Silence allows the questioning of our own ideas. Sitting quietly is good for the soul. Adding meditation to the silence encourages peace and calm. It seems the whole world needs this.

 

Immortal…Are We Ready?

by worrylessjourney, posted in aging, anxiety, ethical, immortality, life changes, questioning, worry

would-you-want-to-live-forever-1-638

 

It is easy to be anxious in today’s world. There is plenty to be anxious about. Sometimes it is just easier to be an ostrich and hide my head in the sand. I really don’t like the news since it is so depressing. Yet every once in a while I hear or read something that sinks down inside and I end up ruminating on it. Recently I caught the edge of some news that has been churning inside for weeks. It had to do with important people in silicon valley hiring scientists/geneticists to find the answer to life eternal. Not as those of us as faith see it but as a scientific fact.

What a frightening thought. Should we really live forever? What would that be like? Like most people I am not anxious to die but I have serious concerns about us exploring this concept. Who would control whatever drugs or treatments to allow this? Would it be available to anyone or just a select few? Who would decide? There are so many ethical issues attached to this.

So many people with what we often see as enviable lives are not truly happy. There is much drug abuse, treatment for depression and suicide and unhappy lives among our rich and famous. Would life become boring? How about population control. All of this is overwhelming.

Somehow our world with its dangers and problems may be the world we should live in. I think learning to live with my anxieties is better.

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Divided or Homogeneous

by worrylessjourney, posted in anxiety, danger, divided world, life changes, politically correct, questioning, worry

There are so many things in the world today to worry about. Instead of becoming more reasonable and moderate we seem to be radically divided. There is no middle ground any more. Are there any moderates like me any more? Most people cannot discuss politics or religion without setting themselves in concrete. They are even unable to hold a discussion without anger. I remember a line from the movie 1776 (I think said by Stephen Hopkins in the film) “I have never heard, seen nor smelled an issue that was so dangerous it couldn’t be talked about. .” I agree with him.

It seems that part of this is the idea that our language has to be screened so that no one is offended. I’m not sure that we can express ourselves without using language that is clear and shows our thoughts. I haven’t explained this well but I am sure that everyone understands. Where are we headed with all of this? It seems that with language we want to create a homogeneous language but it is okay for us to be totally divided. Makes no sense.

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I guess I will always find something that concerns me and has me worrying about the world my grandchildren will have.

I am continuing with meditation and prayer and will begin to add more time. I don’t want to live lost in a dark place with anxiety ruling my life.