Can you feel it?

trust 1I read an article recently that talked about intuition. Something was said about how little intuition is respected. I think intuition is a good barometer and we should pay attention to it. An intuition is not necessarily a bad gauge to go by. There may be a compilation of experiences and learning that are prompting it and not just some feeling. It is like making soup. If there is just one ingredient it may not be any good but the combination of all the things we put in make it wonderful. All those things meld together to jog something in our brain.

People who are concerned with provable facts don’t think there is anything to intuition. It is often scoffed at….especially as women’s intuition. One of the things I did as a nurse was to have classes for young children called the Touch Program. The program was to tell young children that there can be good touch such as hugging and bad touch like being fondled inappropriately. The children were told to be aware of a bad feeling in the pit of their stomach. A gut feeling. Young children understood this. Those who reported abuse could usually tell you that something felt wrong.

intuition

As you can tell I am sure that intuition is a useful tool. Sometimes it can be wrong but most frequently it is right on target and women are not the only ones who use it.

Are we Disposable?

As I thought about things that can’t be fixed I realized that there is another issue for us.

The trouble is that so much of what we have learned over the years is that many things can be fixed. If we have an infection medicine invented by science may fix it. Science has learned to fix many things.We see science as the fixer. If we have an accident in the car that is not a major crash the car can be fixed. As a people who want everything fixed and with as little distress on our part as possible we are impatient to get it fixed.

throw it awayIronically we are a society that fixes few things. If my cell phone breaks maybe I will turn it in to get recycled or maybe I will just throw it away. Most of our small electronic things will be trashed instead of fixed. There is hardly anyone who runs a fix-it shop today. We see things as disposable.

What a scary thought. Just how much of our world is disposable? We don’t cherish things as we used to. We have so much that each item is of little importance. Our solution is to just throw it away and get another. Where are we headed with this kind of thinking?

we-live-in-a-disposable-society-its-easier-to-throw-things-out-than-to-fix-the-403x403-nk29awAre we going to become disposable? Are we moving into the era of 1984 and Soylent Green. (If you haven’t seen or read these do so) As we grow older and are perceived as having nothing left to give will we just be ended and recycled as in Soylent Green?

There is already an issue of the elderly using a large amount of funds for medical problems. Will we be ended so that money can be saved? Already this has come up for discussion. (not ending the elderly but curtailing available medical help) I am concerned about where we are headed.

Are we disposable?

Aging and The Questing Life

Age-is-no-barrier.-Its-a-limitation-you-put-on-your-mind.-Jackie-Joyner-KerseeLife can be difficult as we age. When I was young I thought that those people whose children were grown up and doing well were worry free. Now that I am there I have realized that this is very far from the truth.

If you have children the concern for them never goes away.  It’s as if they will always be children in your eyes. Add to that as they grow older any problems that they have are usually more serious. Yous also add others to your worry list….grandchildren, spouses or significant others. The list of people you worry about grows exponentially.

Even if there are no children as we age health issues crop up. We would all like to just fade away in our sleep but life doesn’t always go that way.

It makes me realize how important it is to learn to live each day to the fullest. Wallowing in worry is wasted time. I can’t choose what life brings to me. I can only decide how I deal with it.

There are so many suggestions that people give you on how to do this. I do wonder if they are as successful as their suggestions imply. Each of us is a unique person and difficult as it may be we have to find our own path. It is important to be willing to try different things and be willing to make changes. We all know how hard this is. I have written before about getting rid of old habits and changing them for more fruitful ones.

questions

I continue each day to struggle with the choices I make. Prayer and meditation help when I do them instead of wasting time. The bottom line is that to change ourselves is the most difficult task we face. Some people never question the path they are on and don’t explore new ways. I guess I am one of those who keeps asking questions and seeking answers. It is my curse and my blessing.

I commiserate with those who are like me. It may not be the easy road but it is an enriching one. Don’t be afraid to travel the questioning path.

Will we be?

I have been re-reading The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen. Although this book was published in 1972 it is totally relevant to us in the 21st century. Nouwen begins with a chapter on what he calls “the nuclear man.” The dilemma the man faces still holds true. The man doesn’t know who he is, what he is and if or what he will be.

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We are living in a world of confusion. A world where we have created so much technology that in many ways we have lost ourselves. We have discovered that technology doesn’t solve everything. Science doesn’t have all the answers and yet we want to think that it does. What is ahead for us? The bigger question is is there an ahead for us?

In many cases people who are part of various religious groups have been seen as hypocritical because they do not seem to be living out the tenets of their faith. Yet, like the rest of us, they are human and flawed. Others have perverted the tenets to create hatred and violence.

Science has created moral dilemmas that even Solomon couldn’t parse. Medicine can clone creatures, make decisions about life and death and use our smallest particles for good or ill. Who gets to decide?

The technology that we have created to make life better is polluting our world. Religion instead of pulling us together has divided us further. We have overpopulated to the point that we will soon extinguish ourselves. There is so much violence played out on media that we are desensitized to it.  No one takes responsibility for their actions and blame is prevalent. I wonder what God thinks of all this. We certainly have come far from the beautiful garden.

All of this certainly ties in with the rise in stress, anxiety and depression. If we are not worried then we don’t understand the situation. What to do?

I so wish I had the answers but I must leave that to God. The God who loves us and this earth that he/she created, If we are meant to self-destruct then so be it. All I know is that we are all loved.

 

What is Next?

let go 2

Today has not been a good day for me. The sky is sunny. the weather hot but I am sad. I am all too aware that it has to do with my job loss. The problem is that it is not just a loss of a job but that of a ministry. My position as Parish Nurse was everything I yearned for wrapped up in a beautiful package. It was my joy.

So now, I struggle not only with grief for the loss but with questions about what now. I find myself working to maintain a much too big garden and asking “Is this all?” After 20 years my connection with so many beloved people has been severed. My perception of who I am is disrupted. Life is a huge question mark.

 

I know that sometimes we just need to do nothing. I need to continue with my journey to change myself since that is the only thing I have control over. I will wait no matter how hard that is and hope for a door to open.

Would Silence Help?

Today I was talking with my daughter and granddaughter, They reminded me that the dangers are not just from the outside but from the inside as well.

pogo Not only is the world a dangerous place but also our own country. There is so much anger….so much hatred. Again there is no middle ground. The sad part is that this is not just political but can also apply to some religious groups There are extremists on both sides. Recently Hulu has aired the program The Handmaiden. I read the book when it first came out and was struck by the concept it suggested. I thought how realistic the idea is.

Muslims are not the only ones who can have extremists. Christians are not free of guilt. We have had crusades against Muslim countries. We perpetrated evil against our own people during the inquisition in Europe.

There are extremist groups in our country today who believe that they hold all that answers and anyone else is wrong.

We need the moderates back. We need those who can hold a discussion and see the ideas of the other person and allow them to hold their own views.

In exploring the concept of anxiety itself I have found that spending time in silence allows thoughts to arise. These thoughts can be good, bad, or neutral. Silence is needed in order to think. Silence allows the questioning of our own ideas. Sitting quietly is good for the soul. Adding meditation to the silence encourages peace and calm. It seems the whole world needs this.

 

Immortal…Are We Ready?

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It is easy to be anxious in today’s world. There is plenty to be anxious about. Sometimes it is just easier to be an ostrich and hide my head in the sand. I really don’t like the news since it is so depressing. Yet every once in a while I hear or read something that sinks down inside and I end up ruminating on it. Recently I caught the edge of some news that has been churning inside for weeks. It had to do with important people in silicon valley hiring scientists/geneticists to find the answer to life eternal. Not as those of us as faith see it but as a scientific fact.

What a frightening thought. Should we really live forever? What would that be like? Like most people I am not anxious to die but I have serious concerns about us exploring this concept. Who would control whatever drugs or treatments to allow this? Would it be available to anyone or just a select few? Who would decide? There are so many ethical issues attached to this.

So many people with what we often see as enviable lives are not truly happy. There is much drug abuse, treatment for depression and suicide and unhappy lives among our rich and famous. Would life become boring? How about population control. All of this is overwhelming.

Somehow our world with its dangers and problems may be the world we should live in. I think learning to live with my anxieties is better.

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Divided or Homogeneous

There are so many things in the world today to worry about. Instead of becoming more reasonable and moderate we seem to be radically divided. There is no middle ground any more. Are there any moderates like me any more? Most people cannot discuss politics or religion without setting themselves in concrete. They are even unable to hold a discussion without anger. I remember a line from the movie 1776 (I think said by Stephen Hopkins in the film) “I have never heard, seen nor smelled an issue that was so dangerous it couldn’t be talked about. .” I agree with him.

It seems that part of this is the idea that our language has to be screened so that no one is offended. I’m not sure that we can express ourselves without using language that is clear and shows our thoughts. I haven’t explained this well but I am sure that everyone understands. Where are we headed with all of this? It seems that with language we want to create a homogeneous language but it is okay for us to be totally divided. Makes no sense.

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I guess I will always find something that concerns me and has me worrying about the world my grandchildren will have.

I am continuing with meditation and prayer and will begin to add more time. I don’t want to live lost in a dark place with anxiety ruling my life.

Be Watchful

einstein

This week the news (as usual) is alarming. I have been thinking about those Islamic radicals who are living in so many western style countries and I have been concerned about what I am beginning to see as a pattern. I am someone who tends to believe the best of people and I don’t like having to think otherwise. When I consider how the Nazi regime managed to change the moral compass of a nation it is easy to see that it could be done again. For me, it brings to mind a poem by a poet know for his limericks. That poet is Ogden Nash. Many of his poems are lighthearted and just fun but there are quite a few that force us to confront uncomfortable issues. This poem was written in 1938 just before the war. The insight it provides about how to change ideas and ethics is frightening. When I see radical Muslims demanding Sharia Law and eroding the legal systems of my world I can’t not be scared. Eroding away inch by inch is easier than going to war. Here is the poem for your contemplation.

Ogden Nash

The Japanese (1938)

How courteous is the Japanese;
He always says, “Excuse it, please.”
He climbs into his neighbor’s garden,
And smiles, and says, “I beg your pardon”;
He bows and grins a friendly grin,
And calls his hungry family in;
He grins, and bows a friendly bow;
“So sorry, this my garden now.”

Except for the above anxiety is momentarily at rest. The trigger has (for now) sent it away. That doesn’t mean that it won’t arise another time. I am struggling to continue my plans for change. When the fear is past it is so easy to slip back into complacency. For those of us who have God in our lives it is typical to let our connection fade when it is not needed. Discipline is so difficult.  I will continue to persevere no matter how difficult. I am determined not to let myself back up now.

I am alive today!

What started this journey? It wasn’t just the issue that headed me into worry and anxiety. In January of this year the job that I held for 20 years was pulled out from under me. The circumstances don’t really matter. It is the fact that my life as a Parish Nurse for a church was done. When I started I only planned to work for a short while but the pull of putting together my vocation and my faith was almost the culmination of everything I had ever done in my life.

Not everyone is into church and I can understand why. Church can be a family. Just as dysfunctional, mean spirited, kind, loving, and any other adjective you can put on it. It can be the best and the worst of things. Sometimes working within that framework can make you doubt everything you ever believed. It is challenging. However, my role as caregiver was unique and its rewards were abundant. I received much love and thanks. All of this made me question who I am and where I am going now. AT 76 years old I am not done. Out society tends to focus on youth and forget the wisdom accumulated over a lifetime of living. What a shame. So much is lost.

This blog is my chance to share. Perhaps what I have learned will touch some and help others. If so, then it is worth it. All we can do is cast that bread upon the waters and see what happens.

awake

I am continuing to journey. Life as we grow older is not easier but more difficult. Health issues arise, possibly financial problems, decisions about what to do if we are not capable of caring for ourselves have to be dealt with. But we are definitely not finished.

I will keep on learning to change the things that I can about myself. A big task but a worthy one. One step at a time. One day at a time. I am alive today!