Finding Home

home2For the last 40 odd years I have been connected to one or the other church home. First it was the Episcopal church I attended with my husband. The people there are wonderful and at that time there was a great minister. Later, after I was working for the Lutherans there was a minister at my husband’s church whose moral core I couldn’t live with so at my husband’s urging I disconnected myself from there.

Then 20 years ago (while still a member of the first church) I was hired by the Lutheran Church as the Parish Nurse. That was the perfect job for me as it married my vocation with my passion. The 20 years I was there I felt at home and completely fulfilled. Since leaving there I have been at a loss. I don’t feel the same at the first church and don’t feel connected to the second since their removal of my position was not done well. I think the powers that be in that church did not get the difference between a ministry and a job. I am sorry and feel that it was their loss.

The bottom line of all of this is that I don’t feel at home in either place. I know that I need to let all of the disappointment with both places go and seek out a place where I do feel at home. It matters greatly to me. For some reason I am reluctant to move forward with this and so don’t often go at all. This is not a solution but I seem to have little motivation to do anything.

home-G-Gawne-KelnarMaybe there are times when we just need to sit back and just BE. I may be in one of those eddies where you just spin around and around. I feel connected to God but not to church. I do struggle with this when special seasons of the church hit me in the face. Holy Week is one of them.

It is important to move forward in whatever way will work for me. A period of absence and reflection is not wrong. I just need it not to go on for too long.

This verse seems appropriate.:

On God rests my deliverance and my honor; my mighty rock, my refuge is in God.

Psalm 62:7 NRSV

4 thoughts on “Finding Home”

  1. I definitely know the feeling. About this time two years ago, I left a church that I had known my entire life for a variety of reasons. I’ve been attending a different church with my husband since then. I finally decided to join in the not so distant past at God’s urging, but I have been questioning Him every step of the way as it does not feel completely like home…yet. However, as I am practicing obedience, God is teaching me to trust Him and this process and to just “BE” as you said.

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  2. I can relate to your feelings, as well. I left my position as Children’s Director of a church in November of last year. I left in obedience to God’s moving but many in the church did not understand. Though I knew I was doing the right thing, the split did not go as smoothly as I had hoped and it has left me with hurt from people who I thought were friends and with disbelief in the actions and words of those I held in high regard. I have yet to seek a new church home though I’ve become quite restless in not being able to serve a church or use the gifts God has given me. Finding a church home is difficult for so many reasons and I know I cannot find one until I go looking. But right now, to just “Be” – without all the mess – is where I am. Thank you for this post. I needed to read it. And thank you for following my blog. What a blessing!!

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    1. You have nailed exactly what I am feeling. I am sorry you are going through this too. After 40 plus years working for 2 different churches it has been at trial. I am sure we both know how churches can be and it leaves much hurt behind. Thanks for this. I needed it.

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