“It is a good rule to never apologize. The right kind of people never want apologies and the wrong kind take advantage of them.” From the TV show “The Orville”
On one level I agree with this quote. The wrong people can take advantage but the right people deserve an apology. Sometimes you don’t know which you are dealing with. When thinking about this I came to the conclusion that if in the wrong I would rather apologize. In some ways the apology is for me and the other person.
Being able to ask forgiveness makes me feel better. It also shows respect to the other person. It takes away some of the guilt I am feeling. However, I don’t like to apologize for something I did not do. This is where I draw the line. In my life I have been accused of wronging someone when it wasn’t me. In spite of the fact of my insistence that I was innocent I was never believed. That is hard to live with.
The other interesting idea is the non-apology apology. Have you ever used this ploy? For example, I might say I am sorry you feel that way. It sounds like an apology but really I am just stating how I feel at the moment. It is however, the truth. This can work if you are in a sticky situation. Most of the time it is taken as an apology. It is one way to end any dispute and restore good feelings.
What are your feelings about apologies?
9 thoughts on “Apologize?”
Hell will be populated with people who would rather be there than apologize.
Suck it up and apologize. Nobody’s perfect, and repentance is the only way to start over.
Apologies are in that strange terrain, at least for me, where you must figure out what is your old stuff being triggered and what is an instance where you really ought to say you’re sorry. I don’t think someone who sucks all the air out of the room should be apologized to when they complain about lack of oxygen- if you trip and spill something on them, that’s different. But! I like both the Orville and Rebel Circus quotes too!
I agree. I found the quote triggered questions in my own mind and made me think.
I agree with you. I think it’s important to truly apologize. It’s good for us, good for them, helps to restore trust. Also, it has been my experience that those who demand an apology for an act I have not committed are unsafe for me.
Though apologies are often awkward and difficult, they are essential. We all make mistakes and apologizing is but one part of taking responsibility for it when we do!
As for the I am sorry you feel this way thing, I just can’t abide that and will usually say something about it if someone says that, I find it so invalidating!
I’m glad you picked up on that. I have been involved with people who wanted to pressure me into feeling wrong. They are the ones who need that kind of response.
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